This really resonated with me, especially your line: “It’s motion inside a building you’ve already half-left.” Looking back, I spent far too long trying to fix the signs—different projects, new responsibilities, another reorganization—believing the next change would make it feel right again. In hindsight, none of those were the real issue. The harder truth was that I had already outgrown that chapter. Sometimes we’re not looking for a better job within the same building—we’re ready to walk out the front door.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your experience, Ying. I'm so glad the piece resonated with you! Your realization about outgrowing a chapter rather than needing a new project within the same building hits incredibly close to home. I went through the exact same thing ie constantly trying to adjust my surroundings to 'fix' the issue, before finally admitting that I had subscribed to a version of success that didn't actually align with me. Here's to having the courage to walk out the front door!
Thank you, Katie. That really resonates. I think many of us spend years trying to redesign the room when what we actually need is the courage to walk out of it. Looking back, leaving wasn’t the hardest part—it was admitting that the life I’d worked so hard to build no longer fit who I was becoming. I’m grateful your writing put words to something I’d felt for a long time. ❤️
This really hit home, as it is something I am currently going through. There had been many signs, but the signal for me was the need to generate more revenue streams- complete misalignment to the reasons why I got into education. With 12 months now left on my contract I just see most things now with indifference rather than anger. Since making the choice I have so much mental and emotional clarity I am very comfortable that I listened to the signals for once!!!
Wow, "indifference rather than anger" - what a perfect way to describe it! I'm so glad and happy for you that you are experiencing that clarity. It must be so mentally liberating as well, thank you for sharing, rooting for you and all the best for your journey!
I never really stopped to consider the difference between a sign and signals. At a purely etymological level, I knew they were different, but I never thought to introspectively apply them. I agree, labels help me articulate where my signs and signals converge and differ.
A specific moment I felt a door had closed was when I realized I had stopped caring about the thing I was doing (my job, my relationship). That I was going through the motions with the end goal of keeping up appearances - presenting myself as others expected me to present. It was easier to fake satisfaction than it was to question my complacency. The sunken-cost, "devil I know is better than the one I don't" fallacy.
Thanks so much for sharing that, Nat! I honestly relate to this so deeply — especially that line about it being "easier to fake satisfaction than it was to question my complacency."
I've had to actively unlearn that reflex of performing for others' expectations. It’s been a journey to shift my mindset toward doing things for myself, rather than subconsciously seeking approval or keeping up appearances. It's such a heavy, quiet weight to let go of, but definitely necessary.
It really is so much harder when it’s family, because the expectations feel so deeply baked into who we are. I still struggle with it to this day. You're definitely not alone in that struggle!
I love this! Multiple times in my life I felt the indifference with jobs, relationships, projects. It’s the act of quietly not caring any more. Brilliant work here!
Thanks so much! You hit the nail on the head. It's wild how indifference sneaks up on you, but once it settles in, it really is the ultimate truth-teller we can't ignore. Appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts!
Reading this I've learned I left my first entrepreneurial endeavour after a sign. To be honest, I don't think a signal would have ever arrived. Even today, 5 years after I left, there is no indifference, and I often find myself asking if I could have fixed things.
However, what used to be anger and rage fuelled confrontation with my partner about how to run the project has been transformed to an open offer of a helping hand whenever the need may strike. This transformation didn't happen immediately. It took a few months.
But maybe that transformation was the signal that I should have left? Because I wasn't working for someone, but rather with someone, and it was a project I built from nothing, and invested 4 years of my life into it, and I still want it to succeed even though I'm not a part of it anymore.
Loved reading this. Thanks!
P.S. What was my sign to leave?
I got to work. I put the key into the office door.
Before I turned the key, out of the blue, a dense ball of sadness sucker-punched me in the gut. My neck seized, my eyes flooded. I fell down to my knees, leaned my forehead against the door and cried for about 10 minutes. It felt like there was only a few ways out of that sadness, and leaving the project was the least bad one.
Thank you so much for sharing this. That is such a profound and vulnerable experience to go through, especially that moment at the office door. I deeply relate to you — I also left an entrepreneurial endeavor after a sign rather than a quiet signal.
To answer your question: yes, I think you're exactly right. Sometimes that transformation you experienced is the signal. It’s through growing, healing, and developing into the next versions of ourselves that we finally see the confirmation we needed: it was simply time for the next thing. Thank you for reading and for leaving such a beautiful reflection.
Hi Katie … I really do believe we are mining the same vein, perhaps from slightly different perspectives … I talked about the difference between anxiety (what might go wrong) and intuition (what is wrong) and how important it is to recognize the difference between the two. In my experience anxiety nags at me (and to be honest is not very useful); intuition speaks once and waits for me to hear and process it. I see real parallels in what I am exploring about in http://aftertherails.substack.com and what you are exploring in The Multiple Lives Theory. I am looking forward to reading your back catalogue and forthcoming materials.
Hi Paul, thank you for the kind words! It really does sound like we are exploring parallel paths. I completely agree with your take on anxiety vs. intuition; learning to tell the difference between 'what might go wrong' and 'what is wrong' is such a crucial life skill. Thank you for the support, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
The signs vs signals distinction is something I've been trying to articulate for months without finding the right words. I've been cataloguing grievances, renegotiating conditions — all while the fixing impulse had quietly gone. Your line 'a bad day still argues; this wasn't that' — that's exactly it. The signal doesn't need anything to be wrong. It just changes the question. I'm going to sit with 'am I trying to fix the conditions, or have I stopped caring whether they're fixed?' for a while. That's the more honest question, and I think I already know the answer.
This really resonated with me, especially your line: “It’s motion inside a building you’ve already half-left.” Looking back, I spent far too long trying to fix the signs—different projects, new responsibilities, another reorganization—believing the next change would make it feel right again. In hindsight, none of those were the real issue. The harder truth was that I had already outgrown that chapter. Sometimes we’re not looking for a better job within the same building—we’re ready to walk out the front door.
Thank you for reading and taking the time to share your experience, Ying. I'm so glad the piece resonated with you! Your realization about outgrowing a chapter rather than needing a new project within the same building hits incredibly close to home. I went through the exact same thing ie constantly trying to adjust my surroundings to 'fix' the issue, before finally admitting that I had subscribed to a version of success that didn't actually align with me. Here's to having the courage to walk out the front door!
Thank you, Katie. That really resonates. I think many of us spend years trying to redesign the room when what we actually need is the courage to walk out of it. Looking back, leaving wasn’t the hardest part—it was admitting that the life I’d worked so hard to build no longer fit who I was becoming. I’m grateful your writing put words to something I’d felt for a long time. ❤️
This really hit home, as it is something I am currently going through. There had been many signs, but the signal for me was the need to generate more revenue streams- complete misalignment to the reasons why I got into education. With 12 months now left on my contract I just see most things now with indifference rather than anger. Since making the choice I have so much mental and emotional clarity I am very comfortable that I listened to the signals for once!!!
Wow, "indifference rather than anger" - what a perfect way to describe it! I'm so glad and happy for you that you are experiencing that clarity. It must be so mentally liberating as well, thank you for sharing, rooting for you and all the best for your journey!
I never really stopped to consider the difference between a sign and signals. At a purely etymological level, I knew they were different, but I never thought to introspectively apply them. I agree, labels help me articulate where my signs and signals converge and differ.
A specific moment I felt a door had closed was when I realized I had stopped caring about the thing I was doing (my job, my relationship). That I was going through the motions with the end goal of keeping up appearances - presenting myself as others expected me to present. It was easier to fake satisfaction than it was to question my complacency. The sunken-cost, "devil I know is better than the one I don't" fallacy.
Thanks so much for sharing that, Nat! I honestly relate to this so deeply — especially that line about it being "easier to fake satisfaction than it was to question my complacency."
I've had to actively unlearn that reflex of performing for others' expectations. It’s been a journey to shift my mindset toward doing things for myself, rather than subconsciously seeking approval or keeping up appearances. It's such a heavy, quiet weight to let go of, but definitely necessary.
Definately. Still something I struggle with. Especially with family.
It is right?! tell me about it...
It really is so much harder when it’s family, because the expectations feel so deeply baked into who we are. I still struggle with it to this day. You're definitely not alone in that struggle!
I love this! Multiple times in my life I felt the indifference with jobs, relationships, projects. It’s the act of quietly not caring any more. Brilliant work here!
It’s really when you know you’re questioning everything. And it doesn’t even spark or give any semblance of joy, that it’s time to evolve and depart.
This is so true. Indifference tells us everything we need to know, whether we're ready to accept it or not. Great article!
Thanks so much! You hit the nail on the head. It's wild how indifference sneaks up on you, but once it settles in, it really is the ultimate truth-teller we can't ignore. Appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts!
Reading this I've learned I left my first entrepreneurial endeavour after a sign. To be honest, I don't think a signal would have ever arrived. Even today, 5 years after I left, there is no indifference, and I often find myself asking if I could have fixed things.
However, what used to be anger and rage fuelled confrontation with my partner about how to run the project has been transformed to an open offer of a helping hand whenever the need may strike. This transformation didn't happen immediately. It took a few months.
But maybe that transformation was the signal that I should have left? Because I wasn't working for someone, but rather with someone, and it was a project I built from nothing, and invested 4 years of my life into it, and I still want it to succeed even though I'm not a part of it anymore.
Loved reading this. Thanks!
P.S. What was my sign to leave?
I got to work. I put the key into the office door.
Before I turned the key, out of the blue, a dense ball of sadness sucker-punched me in the gut. My neck seized, my eyes flooded. I fell down to my knees, leaned my forehead against the door and cried for about 10 minutes. It felt like there was only a few ways out of that sadness, and leaving the project was the least bad one.
Thank you so much for sharing this. That is such a profound and vulnerable experience to go through, especially that moment at the office door. I deeply relate to you — I also left an entrepreneurial endeavor after a sign rather than a quiet signal.
To answer your question: yes, I think you're exactly right. Sometimes that transformation you experienced is the signal. It’s through growing, healing, and developing into the next versions of ourselves that we finally see the confirmation we needed: it was simply time for the next thing. Thank you for reading and for leaving such a beautiful reflection.
Hi Katie … I really do believe we are mining the same vein, perhaps from slightly different perspectives … I talked about the difference between anxiety (what might go wrong) and intuition (what is wrong) and how important it is to recognize the difference between the two. In my experience anxiety nags at me (and to be honest is not very useful); intuition speaks once and waits for me to hear and process it. I see real parallels in what I am exploring about in http://aftertherails.substack.com and what you are exploring in The Multiple Lives Theory. I am looking forward to reading your back catalogue and forthcoming materials.
Hi Paul, thank you for the kind words! It really does sound like we are exploring parallel paths. I completely agree with your take on anxiety vs. intuition; learning to tell the difference between 'what might go wrong' and 'what is wrong' is such a crucial life skill. Thank you for the support, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!
The signs vs signals distinction is something I've been trying to articulate for months without finding the right words. I've been cataloguing grievances, renegotiating conditions — all while the fixing impulse had quietly gone. Your line 'a bad day still argues; this wasn't that' — that's exactly it. The signal doesn't need anything to be wrong. It just changes the question. I'm going to sit with 'am I trying to fix the conditions, or have I stopped caring whether they're fixed?' for a while. That's the more honest question, and I think I already know the answer.