"Which means you don’t owe them completeness — you owe them a door. Give them the most interesting true thing, not the most senior one." My mind is blown. No one's ever helped me answer this in a way that makes so much sense. Thank you for this!
Thank you for reading, Sondra! It is so liberating once we finally realize we don't have to squeeze our entire, multi-passionate identity into a single sentence. I'm so happy this framing made sense for you!
Girl ... WHAT?! This is my story of unmasking. I wanted to be small and palatable, and somehow be very interesting while not drawing any attention to myself. This was a FANTASTIC article.
So glad this resonated! I feel constantly targeted by my own words every time I read this piece back, and felt exactly the same way when I was writing it... so real 🫣
I think about this all the time! I kind of despise the fact that it’s become the go-to icebreaker question because my job title is the least interesting thing about me. I’ve learned to give the minimum viable answer which is, “I’m a business owner.” And if it catches their interest, they’ll ask more questions. If it doesn’t, we probably didn’t have much to talk about anyway. But I love your approach and will try this next time.
This resonates so much with what I’m going through right now… I still haven’t figured out the “right” answer bc I’m still trying to figure myself out, so that flinch you talk about is still very much present… I’m a work in progress, take it or leave it 🤷🏻♀️
🥹😭 omg thank you so much for your comment. "Extending who you are" is something my younger self would have desperately loved to hear, which is really why I write these essays today. It means the world to reflect on this and see how much I've grown. I so appreciate you reading!
Thanks Katie. I remember the first time I got laid off, and it was like I was no longer a person. I'd burn with shame when someone asked what I do. As though my only identity was my job title. Which, I suppose, was all I knew. It took a lot of soul searching to realize that the answer can be a lot bigger than the question. And, as you say, don't flinch.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Sarah. I completely hear you and relate to this deeply. When I was laid off six months into my first job in tech, I felt so much unnecessary shame and lack of self-worth. Looking back, it likely had nothing to do with me and was just a reflection of the company, but I was young, didn't know how to navigate it, and no one in my family had ever been laid off before! In a way, it was a blessing. Just like you said, it led to soul-searching and helps you realize that the answer can be a lot bigger than the question.
I completely hear you, Minal. I can't believe how much of our self-worth gets wrapped up in a job title until we suddenly don't have one! A career break is such a powerful (and sometimes uncomfortable) time to untangle all of that. Thank you so much for reading and sharing where you're at!
Reading the lines: "Which means you don’t owe them completeness — you owe them a door." put things into perspectives for me. For somebody who has changed careers and have multiple interests, this makes me feel seen.
Oh, you just described me in this article :) Thank you. Knowing I am not alone is a great relief.
"Which means you don’t owe them completeness — you owe them a door. Give them the most interesting true thing, not the most senior one." My mind is blown. No one's ever helped me answer this in a way that makes so much sense. Thank you for this!
Thank you for reading, Sondra! It is so liberating once we finally realize we don't have to squeeze our entire, multi-passionate identity into a single sentence. I'm so happy this framing made sense for you!
Girl ... WHAT?! This is my story of unmasking. I wanted to be small and palatable, and somehow be very interesting while not drawing any attention to myself. This was a FANTASTIC article.
whoa, that part about ~i wanted to be very interesting while not drawing any attention to myself~
It's a conundrum 😅
it really is isn't it? the ultimate inner dilemma
alright, i will be turning my own personal LIST into a THREAD <3 thanks for inspiring
I felt like this was dangerously targeted at me.
“The pause is just the sound of a person who doesn’t round herself down on command.”
So good.
So glad this resonated! I feel constantly targeted by my own words every time I read this piece back, and felt exactly the same way when I was writing it... so real 🫣
Oh i'm really looking forward to reading this ☕️🙏🏻
Thank you for reading! I hope you get something valuable out of it as much as I did writing it!
I think about this all the time! I kind of despise the fact that it’s become the go-to icebreaker question because my job title is the least interesting thing about me. I’ve learned to give the minimum viable answer which is, “I’m a business owner.” And if it catches their interest, they’ll ask more questions. If it doesn’t, we probably didn’t have much to talk about anyway. But I love your approach and will try this next time.
This resonates so much with what I’m going through right now… I still haven’t figured out the “right” answer bc I’m still trying to figure myself out, so that flinch you talk about is still very much present… I’m a work in progress, take it or leave it 🤷🏻♀️
exactly!!! I absolutely love that, "a work in progress, take it or leave it." That is truly the most liberating mindset to have.
You’re not becoming someone new, Katie, you’re extending who you are.
🥹😭 omg thank you so much for your comment. "Extending who you are" is something my younger self would have desperately loved to hear, which is really why I write these essays today. It means the world to reflect on this and see how much I've grown. I so appreciate you reading!
Thanks Katie. I remember the first time I got laid off, and it was like I was no longer a person. I'd burn with shame when someone asked what I do. As though my only identity was my job title. Which, I suppose, was all I knew. It took a lot of soul searching to realize that the answer can be a lot bigger than the question. And, as you say, don't flinch.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Sarah. I completely hear you and relate to this deeply. When I was laid off six months into my first job in tech, I felt so much unnecessary shame and lack of self-worth. Looking back, it likely had nothing to do with me and was just a reflection of the company, but I was young, didn't know how to navigate it, and no one in my family had ever been laid off before! In a way, it was a blessing. Just like you said, it led to soul-searching and helps you realize that the answer can be a lot bigger than the question.
Yes! I love this! How I get physically smaller when I’m asked the question.
This resonated so much. As someone on a career break and figuring out what's next I have realised how much of my identity was tied to having a title.
I completely hear you, Minal. I can't believe how much of our self-worth gets wrapped up in a job title until we suddenly don't have one! A career break is such a powerful (and sometimes uncomfortable) time to untangle all of that. Thank you so much for reading and sharing where you're at!
Love this Katie, speaking to my heart! Good advice too:) thanks!
Thank you for reading! I'm glad it resonated
The last sentence is worded so well! This is amazing!!
Thank you for reading!! I’m glad it resonated
No worries! Would love for you to check out my latest article, I’d want to hear your thoughts since you articulate yourself in such a profound way
We don’t need to be just one thing. 😊
Reading the lines: "Which means you don’t owe them completeness — you owe them a door." put things into perspectives for me. For somebody who has changed careers and have multiple interests, this makes me feel seen.