Apparently I was wrong. Moving to Japan has in fact seemed to raise the bar on your work. I completely love this article. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, just get a job, I’d have three dollars. A dollar for every time those same people said it more than once and I could almost afford a burger.
I do have a challenge for you though. This part, where you said,
“Is it possible to reassure someone without pretending I’m about to become a person I’m not?”
I always like to leave room to be wrong, so if I am don’t hold back. But I disagree with that statement. The pretense was being the person they thought you were. Doing the things that were safe and expected. That was the version of you that made everyone else happy, except you. You don’t recognize the new person because you stuffed them in a broom closet years ago, in a building whose address you don’t recall and have only just found the key and GPS coordinates. Those that you wish to reassure will be: when they see and recognize the you you’ve always been and were meant to be. Katie 2.0
Who you are becoming, in my opinion, is who you want to be. And more than that who you’ve actually always been. The recognition of that person often only occurs in hindsight and is hard to completely visualize while you’re in it. The core you will always reflect familiarity back at you. The version of it that people eventually see has to happen organically.
“Tell. Don’t tell. There is no explain!”
I’ve tried so many times to explain what I am wanting and trying to do and it falls on deaf ears often. So, I too have abandoned the court of appeals trying to convince others why this matters to me so much. What is important is that it matters to me. And as you said, showing up for yourself is what it comes down to. Those that know the “old” you will come to know the real you exactly as the rest of us on Substack have: by continuing to do what you are already doing. And you do it very well as I see it! Keep on trucking👊🏻👽
PS - You are actually still the exact same person you’ve always been at your core. You’ve learned and grown and have complete agency over your life. That is a rare thing that those who don’t have that can’t understand or are too afraid to admit. You’re doing it for yourself. Again, opinion. Nobody can ever claim to know you better than you know yourself. We just forget that sometimes I think.
Oh my, your words struck me in my CORE, I am deeply moved and speechless. I am tearing up reading this!!! 😭 I really appreciate the challenge and perspective. it's definitely something I am sitting with during my quiet morning in Japan 😭💭
“People update their picture of you when they update it.
You can’t do the update for them, no matter how well you explain it.”
I feel SEEN
This hit home and every nerve, feeling and emotional roller coaster in between! I love it and i will be saving it to come back to it whenever i get the urge to explain myself again and again.
You and me both 🥹 I feel this so much. I think the urge to keep explaining ourselves is often really an urge to be seen like you said. Sometimes it’s just to make space for it to breathe for a while.
And that urge to explain, justify and prove the change can be exhausting. I'm so glad you found something in this to keep 💕
Really enjoyed reading this. This quote really stood out for me "Is it possible to feel completely certain about a decision and still feel unmoored by how few people can see it the way you do?"
I've found when I'm feeling unmoored there's a part of me that wants to go along with the version other people want for me as if feels a bit easier and safer.
Apparently I was wrong. Moving to Japan has in fact seemed to raise the bar on your work. I completely love this article. If I had a dollar for every time someone said, just get a job, I’d have three dollars. A dollar for every time those same people said it more than once and I could almost afford a burger.
I do have a challenge for you though. This part, where you said,
“Is it possible to reassure someone without pretending I’m about to become a person I’m not?”
I always like to leave room to be wrong, so if I am don’t hold back. But I disagree with that statement. The pretense was being the person they thought you were. Doing the things that were safe and expected. That was the version of you that made everyone else happy, except you. You don’t recognize the new person because you stuffed them in a broom closet years ago, in a building whose address you don’t recall and have only just found the key and GPS coordinates. Those that you wish to reassure will be: when they see and recognize the you you’ve always been and were meant to be. Katie 2.0
Who you are becoming, in my opinion, is who you want to be. And more than that who you’ve actually always been. The recognition of that person often only occurs in hindsight and is hard to completely visualize while you’re in it. The core you will always reflect familiarity back at you. The version of it that people eventually see has to happen organically.
“Tell. Don’t tell. There is no explain!”
I’ve tried so many times to explain what I am wanting and trying to do and it falls on deaf ears often. So, I too have abandoned the court of appeals trying to convince others why this matters to me so much. What is important is that it matters to me. And as you said, showing up for yourself is what it comes down to. Those that know the “old” you will come to know the real you exactly as the rest of us on Substack have: by continuing to do what you are already doing. And you do it very well as I see it! Keep on trucking👊🏻👽
PS - You are actually still the exact same person you’ve always been at your core. You’ve learned and grown and have complete agency over your life. That is a rare thing that those who don’t have that can’t understand or are too afraid to admit. You’re doing it for yourself. Again, opinion. Nobody can ever claim to know you better than you know yourself. We just forget that sometimes I think.
Oh my, your words struck me in my CORE, I am deeply moved and speechless. I am tearing up reading this!!! 😭 I really appreciate the challenge and perspective. it's definitely something I am sitting with during my quiet morning in Japan 😭💭
“How many times can you outgrow the same explanation before it stops feeling worth giving?” Felt that
Feels are too real. So wild how old narratives and explanations are no longer accurate to describe who we are now.
I studied architecture but ended up as a user experience researcher in big tech.
At least that's my current role.
My parents never got the transition. They think I wasted my career on something they don't fully understand.
I like your thinking here.
The worst is that when you start experimenting with something else, like my writing on Substack, people want declarations like:
Are you leaving your job?
Are you transitioning to the full-time content creator?
What type of services do you want to offer?
And that takes a lot of time to figure out, And also figuring out if this is something you really want or is it just a phase, an experimentation?
“At least that's my current role” made me smile 😁. Architecture to UX research makes sense to me, even if it doesn't to everyone around you.
And yes, the pressure to declare something is so real. Sometimes you're just trying something to experiment 😅
“People update their picture of you when they update it.
You can’t do the update for them, no matter how well you explain it.”
I feel SEEN
This hit home and every nerve, feeling and emotional roller coaster in between! I love it and i will be saving it to come back to it whenever i get the urge to explain myself again and again.
You and me both 🥹 I feel this so much. I think the urge to keep explaining ourselves is often really an urge to be seen like you said. Sometimes it’s just to make space for it to breathe for a while.
And that urge to explain, justify and prove the change can be exhausting. I'm so glad you found something in this to keep 💕
Really enjoyed reading this. This quote really stood out for me "Is it possible to feel completely certain about a decision and still feel unmoored by how few people can see it the way you do?"
I've found when I'm feeling unmoored there's a part of me that wants to go along with the version other people want for me as if feels a bit easier and safer.